I pray now for Your Help. My prayers are often selfish, and here am I praying for my self again. I need Your discernment. I often tell others I am discerning, yet I am unable to see my way on this road.
My generation has been called many things, lost among them. Lost is how I feel, though it is You who have guided me here. Although I am discerning, You have hidden this answer from me, O Lord. The way is shrouded and the road signs confuse me.
Be with me, Lord, God, and guide me. The blessed scriptures tell me that Your Word is a lamp unto my feet, and yet I am too anxious to watch the ground. My eyes are on the fog, the shroud that looms in front of me. Give me discernment to see this road and travel it as You will; for although I say I have this gift I am unable to discern distractions from opportunities. What may appear good may be my undoing, and what may appear monstrous could be a holy angel guiding me.
Although You crippled me on this road, You have healed me as well. But now I am stricken with fear and am too panicked to look upon Your face. Here is my supplication, O Lord: Embrace me, teach me as You once did, and guide my path again. If I am lost because I have not looked upon You, take my fear away so that I might again find Comfort in You.
Please, Lord, give me wisdom. Wisdom to see my fault and correct it. Am I to wander in the wilderness as Moses did? Have I been cast into the desert, or do I stay here by my own folly? Should I feel happy? Lord, give me the wisdom to see my own error and change my ways. This constant shame and humiliation is unbearable to me, and I flee from it on a path of lies.
I feel trapped and confused. Is it because I have chosen my own path? Have I lost sight of Your pillar of fire? When I look upon You, will I then see Your guidance? O God, here is my supplication: put mud in my eyes, allow me to see You who have loved me, guide me from this prison of nakedness and clothe me in Your robe of righteousness. Turn my attention to You, Lord, and please guide me out of this humiliation that grieves me, lead me out of my own lies and deceit.
I ask you, Lord, to teach me discipline. I have not been loved with the rod and now I am on my own. I choose my own way and I cannot stay on task. I have no drive and I am inclined to leisure. I want to repent from this way of living but my mind is like a virus I have no medicine for. I am prone to addiction and live in a haze of sleepiness. Is this my fault, Lord? Have I chosen this way, or am I a victim of passive chastening?
Father, God, please help me. I do not know how to handle this frozen mind and I seem to make little progress fighting against it. Is it sin, or is it affliction? Can I choose to leave this, or is it a cancer I must fight? Father, God, here is my supplication: drive this awful parasite from me and give me a heart that can beat. Give me hands that will work. Give me a clear and sober mind that can stay awake and aware. Teach me how to “beat my body and make it my slave” so that I may care for my family and work for Your Kingdom.
Jesus, I know that this prayer is so self-centered. I also wish to repent from that. But how can I lead others if I cannot see my own way? I know that You allow thorns to be placed, God, and I admit I am prideful; this, too I wish to repent from. But I cannot see Your strength in my weakness. Have I turned my head from You? If You are working in my weakness, allow me to see your strength so that I might be encouraged. Please comfort me in my confusion. I do not drink to drunkenness and yet I am not sober; I feel as if I am in a constant stupor. Jesus, please pull me out of this, show me your grace and mercy like you have always done. Keep me by Your side and teach me Your precious ways. God, I am weak. Please lend me your strength. I love you, Lord, please help me to love You.
Father, Spirit, Jesus, please hear my prayer,
From your confused and conflicted servant