Christians and Gay Marriage: Why You Can’t Touch It

Photo of the White House lit with multicolored lights to form rainbow flag

There is a lot I have to say about homosexuality. If only I were well researched and in-the-know I could write a book about it. As it is, however, I’m just a guy. A guy who knows some things about what the Bible says and sees an upside-down culture. That includes an upside-down Christian culture as well.

In this particular post I will not be discussing homosexuality from a Biblical, moral perspective. I’ve already written about that. Now I’m talking about it on a level of civil law. In particular, as a reaction to the reaction on the supreme court’s tyrannical encroachment on sovereign state law last year. I will be discussing the sad and broken relationship between Christians and gay marriage.

So yes: I disagree with the court’s decision and I don’t think it’s right for unelected federal judges to decide what is best for individual states. I know, politics! Sue me. But that’s not what I’m talking about either.

What I’m talking about is why, at this particular point in time and for the near and foreseeable future, Christians and conservative supporters of traditional marriage will be unable to turn the tide of the pro-homosexual culture and political agenda.

Adam and Steve

Are you tired of hearing this? I’m tired of hearing this. It was kinda funny and clever the first time. It was a little thought-provoking after that. But now it’s just old, and it’s become one of the most commonly quoted phrases that well-meaning Christians sputter out in the face of any conversation on the topic.

I’m not just talking about this particular phrase. I’m talking about the things Christians say when they are giving their opinions the issue. This sort of argumentative rhetoric is mind-blowingly thoughtless.

While the progressives are citing “scientific” studies and trying to give reasons behind their beliefs, the ever-loving Christian puts his fingers in his ears and begins to scream “ONE MAN ONE WOMAN! ONE MAN ONE WOMAN! ONE MAN ONE WOMAN! LALALA!”

Photo of an LGBT flag

If we want to make any actual headway in this ongoing cultural debate (some might call it a “war”) then we HAVE to start having… like.. an actual freaking conversation.

Telling people you think being gay is a sin and citing scripture at people who don’t believe in the authority of scripture will not work. You’re going to have to actually think about things and give some actual, practical reasons why you believe what you believe. GASP!

Imagine if most Christians (and conservative voters) were actually learned on the socioeconomic reasons why the redefinition of marriage and sexual ambiguity are damaging to culture. Imagine if pastors actually had to guts to preach on these topics lovingly and help people understand the issue from a cultural, Biblical, and civil perspective.

We might actually be able to start changing minds and softening hearts! Maybe… but we also have a few other problems to tackle:

Most Christians Fail to Love and Understand LGBT People

For those of you who don’t know, LGBT stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender. And of course when I say that Christians don’t love these people, I’m completely over-generalizing and acknowledging an oxymoron (that is, Christians being unloving.)

If you truly are a Christian, you know that Christians are to love all people including homosexuals. And of course, you will say “oh yes, I love them, I just don’t agree with their lifestyle!”

My question to you is this: what lifestyle? Being gay? What if they’re gay but have never had a same-sex relationship? Never had sex? Never even looked at porn or anything? What lifestyle do you disagree with? The state of being a homosexual or a transgender? Do you want them to flip a switch and turn it off?

I’m not trying to convert you to be pro-gay marriage. In fact, I’m with you (for the most part, most likely). I’m just saying that most Christians most of the time have no idea what they’re talking about when they start to discuss these things. It scares them. It makes them uncomfortable. So they completely avoid it and just hope that they’ll never run into one of these supposedly awful, horrible people. And that is not a loving thing to do.

Photo of a sign depicting two generic male imagesI should not need to remind you that Jesus Christ himself spent a good deal of his time with what you might call the scum of the earth. Whores and prostitutes, hypocritical religious leaders, smelly fishermen who probably said bad words, the IRS (ok, so back then they were called “tax collectors”).

For one thing, it’s a shame that we tend to assume these sorts of people are more sinful than “normal” sinners. But on another note, I can promise you that if Jesus were walking among us as human today in our culture, he would be spending a lot of his time with homosexual and transgendered people. Or at least, he would spend more time with them than he would with “normal” sinners like you and I.

Why? Because they need love just like you do. And you need to love them too. That means spending time with them, understanding them, and respecting them like human beings should respect one another. That means not telling them they’re going to hell “because they’re gay.” That means sharing the gospel with them in the same manner you would share the gospel with anyone else.

You might think that Christians and gay marriage don’t go together. But Christians are commanded to go into all the world and preach the gospel in love, making disciples of all nations. Get to know a married same-sex couple to be kind to them. Not just for the sake of evangelism but because you genuinely care about people.

Your objective is not to “fix” them. You can’t even fix yourself! Your objective is not to convince them to be straight or that being gay is bad. Your objective is to lead them to love Jesus Christ. That’s all.

Christian Marriage is Suffering

This one hits me the hardest. Statistically speaking, the divorce rate for Christians is roughly the same as the national average. Last I checked it was around 32%. I personally know several divorced Christians and many, many, many people my age who have divorced parents that identify themselves as Christians.

Folks, this is absolutely pathetic. As commonly stated by Christians, the Bible does say that it is an abomination to God for a man to have sex with another man (and although the context of Leviticus 18:22 can be argued and may not be relevant in this case, I won’t cover that here). But I am telling you that for two people to swear before God not to forsake one another “til death do us part” and then fail to uphold those vows is even worse of an abomination. It’s disgusting and it makes us look just like the undiscerning world.

If that’s not enough, add in all of the young professing “Christian” couples who frivolously live and sleep together with no strings attached… no commitments, no vows, no planning. Sadly, this is the norm today and is considerably more dangerous to society than simply being attracted to the same sex.

Christian culture is screaming about the mess that is gay marriage when we have failed over the decades to clean up our own.  We have no leg to stand on because we can’t seem to get that plank out of our eye.

Does this mean we should ignore the issue of gay marriage? No. Does this mean we should allow it passively on principle? No. But we as a church have no credibility in the discussion when we are our own worst enemies. So stop acting like you’re all better than these people.

*Update and author’s note: I have since found some credible evidence suggesting that evangelicals who actually attend church on a regular basis and exercise their belief system in praxis have a lower divorce rate than those who simply profess faith without church attendance. See this link  for more information.*


Christians have Politicophobia

Another reason why Christians can’t touch gay marriage law is because they are politicophobic. That is, Christians by and large are more afraid of politics than they are of gay people and Halloween. And that’s saying something! I will make a post about this later, but our country at this point in time has some of the most apathetic and hippie-like and passive Christians in history. Yes, Jesus was apolitical in a worldly sense. But Jesus lived in the middle of Empire Rome and overthrowing the government wasn’t really a feasible life goal (considering His mission to save humanity), nor was it high on His priority list.

Jesus did, however, speak about stewardship and how followers of God should have a high standard of taking care of what God gives them (Matthew 25:14-30, Luke 19:12-26). Political activity is not applicable to all Christians around the world throughout time, but we here in the states have been born into a country where WE THE PEOPLE are the government. We get to decide who is in office and we get to pressure and convince our elected (and unelected) leaders to act politically in the way that we believe is best for the nation.

In short, we are stewards of our country and we are charged by our Lord to take care of it. I’m not saying you have to become an activist and shake hands with your representatives at the capitol as often as possible. I’m not saying every Christian needs to have a passionate political nameplate for themselves and try to push it as much as they can. I’m simply saying that you need to be aware of what you can do for your country and take care with the privileges and responsibilities that have been given to you.

Image of an anti-marriage signAt the very least we need to be aware of what is going on in our country, be able to find out which candidates we think are best for their respective positions, and vote.

There is more that Christians can and should do to contribute to the nation that was founded for the sake of religious freedom, especially in a time where our religious freedom is being threatened. But I think it’s pretty reasonable to ask that we at least try to vote honorable, Godly men into political office, if nothing else.

And before you start telling me that Christians shouldn’t have anything to do with politics because “we’re citizens of heaven and not earth,” I hope you will look into how many Godly people in the Bible had to make some very challenging political moves that honored God. (For two examples, read Nehemiah and Esther. The story of David is a bit long, but it is relevant as well.)


As I have already stated: I disagree with the supreme court decision to overturn state laws. I’m with you on the morality thing. I’m with you on the cultural, social, civil, economic thing. But as long as we continue to ignore these big problems then as Christians, it will be extremely difficult for us to affect laws concerning gay marriage.

Are you a political activist or a leading speaker on public policy? Do you have an emotional connection to this topic? I’d love to hear from you in the comment section below. As always, thanks for reading!

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